Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
