GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
