Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
