Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
