So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
