My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
