Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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