Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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