i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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