Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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