Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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