i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so let's talk penis.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
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I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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