She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
