I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
