Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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