put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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