Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
