my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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