I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hippo gnu deer
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
