I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
