Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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