so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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