ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
