I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize