she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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