my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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