Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
