Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
