Screwed.edu
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
