So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
