What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
