My sheets look like a crime scene.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
