How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
