I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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