My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
