Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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