some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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