do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
