you have to choose: penises or morals?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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