Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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