Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
