New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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