Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
