so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need to align my fucking chakras
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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