Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize