I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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