wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
