I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
