i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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