It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
