I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
