We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
