I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
