we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
