Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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