4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
