I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
