someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
