my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That accounts for only three of the penises
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
