Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
