So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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