Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
