Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
