I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
