It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.