is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
