God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried