And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
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I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.