Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
