So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.