wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.