i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
