I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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