I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
