HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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