Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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