I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sobbing to NWA
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
