why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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