barbara walters just said penis...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
