Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
