we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
