So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
