....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
