Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
