if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
