My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
