haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
